I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
