we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize