Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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