nut hugger
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
