What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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