Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
