You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
