kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
