I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize