what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
