I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
