I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
