The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
