They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I want is dick and wine.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
