did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
