you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
