All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
