I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
