I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
