He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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