I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
