Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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