Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
