Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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