My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
