i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
