i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
