so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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