Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
