hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
