SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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