Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
