perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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