A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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