Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
