Umm I'm too high to move.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
