You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize