Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
