why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
