The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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