yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
