Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Are my feet made of real feet?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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