i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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