So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
