Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
