So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
