Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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