Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
