Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
