Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
