If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
