he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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