Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
