I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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