so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize