Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
