I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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