if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
