Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
