i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
