I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
