I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
