Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
