people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
