Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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