who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Don't you send me to vm
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
