Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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